Australian Stereotypes

True Or False

G’day Cobber

Stereotypes, we all get them no matter where we’re from. When abroad we tend to hear them a lot more often, they may have come from a movie, pop culture, urban myth or someone talking shit way back when.

I’ve travelled round the world from year to year, I’ve been to cities that never close down, from New York to Rio and Old London town and as an Australian travelling you hear a lot of stereotypes and it is usually one of the first things that someone will say to you. Some are nice, some not so nice, some true, some only cloaked in truth, so let’s sort the fact from fiction.

Isn’t Australia really Dangerous? Everything can kill you yeah!

I’m going to get in a lot of strife for telling you the truth. Unlike most other countries, we do not sit at the top of the food chain here in Australia, if you’ve survived the night… day to day life tends to be a fight for survival.

Australia is incredibly dangerous, our spiders will bind you up in the night and drink your body dry, even just eye contact with a snake will poison your blood, magpies will swoop down and pluck out your eyes, crocodiles will have unconsensual sex with you before eating you alive, dingos will steal your babies and our cassowaries which are basically dinosaurs can smell fear from miles away and they will rip you apart with their talons.

And then there’s the beaches and the ocean. Our sharks will devour you like a cookie, our box jelly fish will latch onto your face and suffocate you simultaneously while drowning you in immense pain and blue ringed octopus will poison the water you swim in.

… Just looked it up and cows are the animal that kill the most people in Australia, so yeah.

Are All Australians Bogans?

All Bogans are Australian but are all Australians Bogans?

Firstly what is a bogan? A bogan is someone who likes the unfine things in life, you may say they’re uncultured and a bit rough, similar to Red Necks in the US, Chavs in the UK.

It’s complicated and there’s a fine line, you can be a bogan without being a rat., Boganisms run deep in our culture but no not all of us are bogans, you’ll know a bogan if you ever meet one as they will be proud to confess it.

Is New Zealand part of Australia?

No, New Zealand is part of Middle Earth. New Zealand is its own country with its own culture different from Australia’s, however, we will take it if they ever offer though.

Australians and New Zealanders are similar but we differ in many ways for example our flags are worlds apart and they have sex with sheep.

Australians don’t tip!

Yeah nah, why would you pay for service on top of a service? Why would that not just be included in the bill? Why complicate things? In Australia we have the audacity to pay a minimum wage, great idea just pay your employees enough to begin!

Australians all have strong accents and use slang that no one understands?

Do I have an accent? I did, I noticed the very first time I went overseas and the very first moment I spoke to someone else I realised that I was going to have to speak more clearly, I think I said “G’day mate” and the guy just looked at me like….

We do use lingo that we don’t even notice is foreign. We have a lot of slang!

Nobody understands us but we understand everyone because we are very worldly and watch a lot of tv.

Drop bears aren’t real?

Drop bears or “death from above” are unfortunately very real, they are a carnivorous koala, and you should take caution when walking through bushland as they can drop from the branches above.

They’ll eat your face off. I once knew a guy that had his face eaten totally off by a drop bear, you can barely recognise him now; he was only 19.

Do we ride Kangaroos to school?

This really only occurs in the outback. Kangaroos are basically ripped deers with amateur fight experience; they have the perfect body structure to carry small children and they have unreal cardio.

They’re used in the outback to carry a child to and from school because they are fuel efficient and they can cross deserts quite easily. You obviously wouldn’t ride a female when they’re in the birthing cycle as they hold joeys in their pouches - so the school books won’t fit.

Vegemite tastes horrible? But you eat it on everything?

If you ever meet an Australian overseas who has a jar of Vegemite you’ve just met a wanker my friend. My personal opinion is that Vegemite tastes like dog shit - but my opinion is not the be all and end all, lots of people do eat it, it’s very salty, and an acquired taste.

We have a lot of serial killers?

I wouldn’t know, how am I supposed to know? What are you accusing me of? I’ve done nothing! Where’s the proof? Where’s the proof?

We have had a few notorious cases but in general most Australians try to keep their need to kill to a minimum.

We are all descendant from convicts?

Around a fifth of people have ancestry dating back to the original convicts, 3% of us are indigenous and the rest are imported from all around the world.

Australian history is boring?

Mmmmm, oh that’s a question and not a statement. Yes.

Australians lost a war against emus?

I had never heard this one until an American told me, apparently the Australian army had the task of culling an overpopulation of emus that were destroying crops but didn’t really succeed and the emus still destroyed the crops.

The American who told me this story called them Emoos, Americans call them Emoos, not Emus [E-muse]

Australians love to drink beer? And drink a lot!

Yes, yes we do, when I drink my intention is to get absolutely hammered.

Cunt is used on the daily? And we swear all the time?

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep the word Cunt can be used as a word of endearment depending on which circles you mix in. I only ever use the word when I’m talking to children. I’m sure if I said it in daily conversation with a stranger they would think I’m a delinquent.

Everyone surfs? And lives at the beach?

More than 85% of the population lives within 50km of a beach. Does this mean we all live at the beach and surf? No, we go to the beach more regularly than most, but surfing is a hobby like any other.

We are all racists?

I’m only kind of racist; I’m fine with everyone except people from Canada, they’re too nice.

In general we are welcoming to all cultures, we are a very diverse country but like every country we do have a minority of racists.

Everyone in Australia is a model? Tan and fit!

I’m the exception to the rule, most people are rather ugly.

We do have some very beautiful people here as we like to keep healthy and live life in the outdoors, however we do have the highest rates of skin cancer in the world so as far as tans go yes but not sure that’s a good thing.

It’s always hot?

This depends on where you live in Australia. Up in the north it’s hot most of the year round as they have the wet and dry monsoonal seasons but down in the south we have the regular seasons. It’s hot in the summer and spring, it’s cold the rest of the time which feels like most of the year.

I find that people from overseas that move to Melbourne tend to be shocked by the winter.

In Home & Away it’s always summer but that’s a fictional show not a documentary and it’s filmed in Sydney.

Aussies are laidback and easygoing!

Yes and No, in general we are calm and cool.

At some point we may not have had that many rules, but today we love regulation and rules to a ridiculous point. Having widely travelled, the thing I noticed most in other countries was the freedom of everyday life - a freedom that no longer exists here.

Australians are loud, dumb and obnoxious?

Are we loud? Well we’re not gonna sit in silence, we’re not gonna live with fear, no-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, no-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

We may be more outgoing than other cultures which could give us this reputation; other cultures can be more reserved, this is just a misinterpretation of culture.

Are we dumb? No, Australians are intelligent; we excel in the sciences, we have a great education system and we are among the wealthiest of countries.

Are we obnoxious? Times they are a changing, it tends to be a small number of people who like to keep this appearance up, we have a larakin culture that runs deep in Australia, it’s probably the worst thing about Australia, if you are intelligent or creative you can be ostracised for it.

I hope this answers some Austrian stereotypes